Ending Negative Self-Talk

Negative beliefs and self-talk are very destructive to ourselves and others, mostly because we believe these negative things we tell ourselves are true. This is mainly because we identify with them and use “I am” in front of things like being a burden, weak, not worthy, a mistake . . . It’s not true.  You’re not a burden!  Your negative thoughts are a burden – more likely.  Wars are fought over beliefs.  We would die for some of them, believing ourselves to be “right” to the death.  Many times, we find these beliefs we suffer over aren’t even ours.  They are ones we picked up from our parents, family, friends, teachers and the media.

Who would you be without your story?

Byron Katie, creator of The Work, is a pioneer and leading authority on how to eliminate negative beliefs from your life forever.  I’ve found her process to be extremely powerful and effective.  It does take work and perseverance.  With the invested effort, you can become free from negative beliefs running your life!  Imagine a life of no more:

They should . . .I shouldn’t . . . She always . . . He won’t . . . 
My mother doesn’t . . . My partner never . . .

The Work is a way to identify and question the thoughts that cause all your suffering.  Everything you need in order to do The Work is available free on Byron Katie’s website (TheWork.com).

Byron Katie The Work

Byron Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties.  For almost a decade she spiraled down into rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide.  For at least two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom.  Then one morning in February 1986, she experienced a life-changing realization.  There are various names for an experience like this.  Katie calls it “waking up to reality.”  In that instant, she says,

I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and this is true for every human being.  Freedom is as simple as that.  I found that suffering is optional.  I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.  That joy is in everyone, always.

She realized that what had been causing her depression was not the world around her, but the beliefs she’d had about the world.  Instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match her thoughts about how it should be, she could question these thoughts and, by meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy.  As a result, a bedridden, suicidal woman was instantly filled with love for everything life brings.

There are several universal beliefs, ones many of us share as human beings.  I personally have worked hundreds of these beliefs and am always surprised at how effective this method is.

Here are just a few:

  • I need to know what to do
  • I don’t know what to do
  • I know what is best for others
  • I know what is best for myself
  • Something terrible is going to happen
  • It’s possible to make a mistake
  • People should not lie
  • People should respect me
  • I can control how others feel about me
  • I need more money
  • Life isn’t fair
  • Parents should love their children
  • Children should love their parents
  • I can’t do anything right
  • I can disappoint people
  • There’s too much to do
  • There’s not enough time
  • I know what you need
  • I am worthless
  • I should be different
  • I missed my chance
  • I need to understand
  • I need to do it right
  • There’s something wrong with me
  • The world isn’t a safe place
  • It’s my job to make you happy
  • I need a partner to be happy
  • It’s my fault
  • People should listen to me
  • I’m not good enough
  • I am a failure
  • I know what they’re thinking
  • They should agree with me
  • I have to work hard
  • People should keep their promises
  • Other people can hurt me
  • I’m too fat (thin)
  • I need to be in control
  • There is a purpose to my life
  • My boss should appreciate me
  • I don’t belong
From TheWork.com website

As you’ll see on her website, there are 4 main questions to ask with each belief:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react, what happens when you believe the thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

It’s best to remember a specific incident to work the belief with as it’s more effective for answering the questions.  Also, it’s possible you may answer them from the perspective of you at the time of the memory, a younger you.

Then you work the turn arounds.  The turn arounds are brilliant.  If you do a thorough job with the four questions, your turn arounds will work out well.  The turn arounds are enlightening and can completely shift the belief.  There’s usually one of the three turn arounds that is truer then the original belief.

Say for example my belief was: “My mother doesn’t listen to me.”

  1. To the opposite: My mother does listen to me
  2. To the self: I don’t listen to me
  3. To the other: I don’t listen to my mother

For every turn-around you discover, always find at least three specific, genuine examples of how it’s true for you in this situation.  Some of them are tricky and challenging to find examples for. Byron Katie gives turn around examples in her videos that you can follow along with.

That’s it!  It’s simple but getting the belief out on paper and working through it is the real work.  Katie shared that she worked on some beliefs in meditation for days to make sure they were complete.  She also shared that she spent years just processing beliefs she had about her mother!  Many of the beliefs we have about our parents are transferred onto others, so it makes perfect sense to work the beliefs about our parents!

Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work isn’t done.  This doesn’t mean that you must invite your enemy to dinner.  Friendship is an internal experience.  You may never see the person again, you may even divorce him or her, but as you think about the person, are you feeling stress or peace?

Choose a belief that is true for you.  Head over to TheWork.com and watch some videos to get a sense as to how the process works.  Work your belief being as honest as you can. Watch your belief disappear.  It’s an amazing process!

Order a copy of my books on Amazon today!

6 thoughts on “Ending Negative Self-Talk

  1. Brilliant, so good to be freshly reminded that we are not our thoughts, and that the old dinosaur ones which we inherited in our innocence and took on as our own, are just that dinosaurs and do not belong in this NOW> I love Byron Katies work and thanks Donna for sharing x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your comment and so glad you have found Byron Katie! She is wonderful and her work very powerful! I love how you describe our negative thoughts as dinosaur, and so right – they don’t belong anymore! Perfect. Thank you again for stopping by and for your comment! x

      Like

  2. It did take me time Donna as being Empathic to see lots of times in my life the ‘Feelings and tears’ even ‘Anger’ at times were not just my own….
    I remember one time just gardening and falling to my knees in tears… It was then I suddenly realised the pain I was experiencing was not my own.. But a feeling of being overwhelmed by the collective energy circulating.

    What you also said Donna ” I’ve noticed shadow bodies (unhealed wounds) are really showing up in people now, becoming very animated. There’s lots of fear and trauma in the ethers “…

    I feel we have been so fragmented in the past not just with our own everyday life traumas, but throughout generations after generations of inner wounding, external traumas.. That our Emotional Bodies, along with our Spiritual Bodies, and Physical Bodies need pulling back in alignment… As our Energy centres or Aura’s become out of balance.. I know personally my solar plexus always takes a hit and is my own weak spot. .
    This process again needs us to be aware that we are multidimensional and for many this is another concept hard to understand… As we exist in multi realities simultaneously
    Sci-Fi stuff lol 🙂
    So as we begin to discover ourselves, as we learn to LISTEN to our hearts and less of our negative chatter we discover our real inner selves and inner worth… As we unite our feelings of separateness.

    Most here on Earth are on a journey of self discovery whether they realise it or not.. As they are searching for LOVE ,
    That is why when we find it, where ever it is… We begin to see life through a different coloured lens… For its then we find peace and happiness as all glows and feels right within ourselves.. Because we have found that missing part which was always there…. We just needed to stop beating ourselves up with our negative beliefs and Love ourselves.

    Which is so funny as I have had a draft sitting in my drafts for a week or more Three quarters written.. your post tied in so nicely in explanation of what I had written… About our personal mountains we climb.. The Universal Collective speaks! LOL… and we Listen.. 🙂

    Many thanks dear Donna…. and again, thank you for sharing and making us think about how we treat and speak to ourselves in negative chatter..

    Much Love 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, fragmentation over generations and lifetimes – needing to be healed. The shadow body of so many people have a life of its own. The heart of the person is lost, so hard for anyone to reach, including that person him/her self. It’s dreadful what’s happened to humanity over hundreds of thousands of years. Good thing that’s all about to change!

      Love is a funny thing too – do we really know what it is given all the manipulation, reversals (love is abuse) and lies? I think that’s why so many people have pets now, loads and loads of people walking dogs, more than I think I’ve ever seen. It’s the unconditional love, as you said – people are searching for! Self-love and the love of our true parents – holy mother and holy father. We’ve had a taste of dark mother and false king of tyranny! Look where that’s got us! People go back to their parents looking to get love from them – over and over, when most of them are incapable of love. It’s a horrible cycle. And yes, as you stated – we try to fill that hole with whatever works – which is literally nothing outside of ourselves. Strange world we’ve been living in.

      A journey of self-discovery – totally!! Glad our chat here helped you tie in the rest of your post!! Between us – we’ve written another one! lol
      Thank you too Sue for all your insightful input and wisdom!! Much love, Donna

      Like

  3. This post so resonated with me Donna… Especially how we believe within us certain aspects of ourselves..
    For many years I believed I was ‘unworthy’ mainly from the relationship I had as child and teenager, then later in adult life with my Mother… Whom always made me feel unworthy, as I felt unloved by her.. Which led to depression and the lack of self worth.

    Only later in years after my own healing journey, and inner deep dives within my self, did I turn these inner beliefs around and forgive my Mother firstly.. Then I actually saw that in a way my Mother had shaped me into who I was today. . For without those deep dives, which led to other deep dives, I would not have done the inner work to help clear out those and other beliefs I held about myself.. So I was then able to actually give gratitude for those lessons. Or go onto not only my own Healing journey, but it then enabled me to observe from a higher perspective how we so easily wound ourselves and hold the victim mentality and blame… This too helped me when I became a Spiritual healer to notice blockages within the aura..

    Years later when I had thought I had done a lot of inner work, I still found I had not truly forgiven my mother, even though I thought I had done…. This led me to open my heart even further as I let go of those beliefs as I cleared out yet more layers of inner chatter and wounding…. Realising we are the ones who hang onto these wounds and we are only wounding ourselves..

    Thank you for your thoughts and for sharing Byron Katie’s links… It is a lot of inner Work…. and understanding we are not our beliefs, but that often those beliefs create within us emotional blockages which keep us stuck within repetitive cycles of our own behaviours and feelings of self worth and lack, which then lead us to dis-ease….

    Its an on going process and I dare say I still have more inner work yet to do… But as you rightly point out from the onset… Its our Inner chatter, and those inner negative self-talks we listen to, that we need to let go of and step out of the habits of listening to….
    And realise we are loved.. As we open our hearts to that knowing we are loved and truly begin to love ourselves for the magnificent beings we are..

    Wonderful post Donna…. Loved it ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Sue! I can completely relate to your healing journey with forgiveness and your mother. It really does happen in layers, as we come to appreciate the deeper lessons and clearings. The healing journey is well worth the effort as it brings us closer to our true nature and closer to others as well – as your healing journey is a testament to this. These negative beliefs are really challenging and can shape our lives, so many people never really stopping to think about how these beliefs run and control their every move.

      The suffering these beliefs cause is incalculable and devastating. I also completely agree with what you said about these beliefs causing emotional blockages and repetitive patterns – causing disease in our body from self-inflicted wounds. It is a process, one many people don’t take. I’ve noticed shadow bodies (unhealed wounds) are really showing up in people now, becoming very animated. There’s lots of fear and trauma in the ethers. Empaths like yourself will be feeling this too – and good thing you had/have the where-with-all to have done all the clearing and healing work you’ve done on yourself, thereby avoiding falling into the pit of thinking other’s emotional suffering is your own.

      The pedal is hitting the metal! And yes, realizing we are loved! You are truly magnificent!! Much love, Donna

      Liked by 1 person

Please share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: