Does God Exist? Eliminating the Barriers of Separation

Does God Exist? Eliminating the Barriers of Separation

Not so long ago, I realized my connection with God was tentative. I’m in no way religious, so I wasn’t worried about the wrath of God. I was a bit skeptical however, or maybe I had some unfinished business with Him. I knew about things like synchronicity, The Secret, The Law of Resonance, the Universe, etc., but my interest was mainly from a point of view: That’s just how things work here. It didn’t have anything to do with God.

God had no part in my life. It wasn’t personal, I just knew there was a force out there that existed. I had faith, but it was limited to only what I could achieve alone. I believed I was the master of my life and the master of my destiny! My life and it’s direction were up to me and my choices. Well, it sounded good at the time.

In my book: The Path to My Heart, I had met and fallen in love with all my aspects. It was time for them to integrate and be placed within my heart. I was very excited and really looking forward to being united with them! After a short while however, we all noticed I wasn’t there . . .

Here’s the excerpt:

I looked up to the sky and yelled at God. I called Him every name in the book and told Him that He was mean and cruel. How could He let this happen? He was supposed to be a loving God. What a load of crap that was! I could feel anger rising and getting a shot of energy from it. It felt good, and boy was I ever angry! The hell with the pain, this anger was unbelievably invigorating! I felt so much freedom in expressing all this anger I didn’t even know existed within me. I was angry with God, angry with myself, angry with the world, and angry that my being had fractured into many pieces to begin with.

It was all just madness, all of it, and I’d been stupid enough to believe it all. How could I have been so stupid and gullible? I felt miserable and alone and in pain and really, really angry. So much for being a spiritual being, so much for growth and learning, so much for wanting to be happy. All of that hard work I’d put in just to get more pain and suffering? I thought: Screw it, I am done. No more being nice. I don’t care anymore . . . though I felt a little guilty at the same time.

God? God who?

I was also aware of a “hole” that existed inside of myself, accompanied by a feeling of emptiness. I suffered from fear and lack (insecurity, lack of trust, co-dependency, neediness, unfulfillment). I didn’t realize it was because I had no connection with God. I thought it was just me. I lived life as “capable, able and dependable” so I didn’t need anyone or anything – including God.

That was how I presented myself to the world. It worked out great in the work place! Most employers want an employee like this to take advantage of – giving them all the responsibility, usually only to be paid in peanuts. The service industry is great for this. Didn’t matter though, I (ego) felt validated, so therefore everything was fine in my little world. It was well contained and managed, thank you very much!

. . . Or not . . . well, I thought it was anyway. Since I was wanting spiritual growth in my life and to live in truth, all defense mechanisms would eventually become uncomfortable and cause issues with my daily life. These mechanisms would therefore surface as issues and inconveniences, and need to be identified and healed. It was because of this intention to grow that I found out being “capable, able and dependable” was an act – compensating for a failure to be. It wasn’t real and couldn’t be sustained without a cost. My “failure to be” was all the negative beliefs I believed about myself:

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not worthy
  • I’m a failure
  • I’m a burden
  • I’m too weak

I identified with these beliefs, they were who I was! This is not true as I have found out. I am not my beliefs, my thoughts or my feelings. It was a good way for me to stay small, be a victim and hide. A connection with God had no space in my being because I was unworthy of love – and really believed it.

I remember going through a Dark Night of the Soul and feeling so absolutely alone. It would’ve been much easier if I had a connection with God. On the other hand, I seriously wonder if I could have experienced my Dark Night of the Soul with that connection. I don’t know the answer to that. I can only guess I wouldn’t have felt the intense pain of separation. The pain is how we know we are separate. It was a clue for me to look deeper and fill the emptiness from within through a connection with God.

It had me wonder, what happened to my connection? Where and when did I lose God? And what made me think I’d be ok without Him? I have a telling section in my book that demonstrates this enquiry perfectly. The mind and the heart have it out . . . here it is:

My mind also tried to comfort me, by imagining that it could figure all this out. It was searching for where it had gone wrong in what had happened. Finally near the end of its search it settled on the word love. “Love went wrong and it’s the heart’s fault!” It made so much sense to my mind but my heart was having trouble grasping this.

My mind continued, “If you had never felt love we wouldn’t have a problem here. Can’t you see that love is the reason why the aloneness was rudely awakened in the first place? It was the reason aloneness could even live inside of us. Love challenged the aloneness and that’s how the aloneness knew that it was alone.”

My heart wanted its opinion heard, “You couldn’t be more wrong! How could something as beautiful as love be as destructive as you claim?”

The mind answered, “Well, because without ever feeling love we wouldn’t miss it when it was gone. Just by its sheer existence we are self-destined for pain. Ignorance is bliss and if we’d never known love we’d all just be going about the business of living.”

The heart conceded, “OK, your argument represents sound logic, I’ll give you that, but there’s still something missing.”

The mind stayed firm, “Unless you can convince me otherwise I’ll just sit over here and feel confident in being right.”

“Well I still believe we need love and the complete experience of it, both the pain and the joy.”

The mind was doubtful, “Then you’ll need to convince me, twinkle toes. Go on, I have all day.”

“OK, you want a good argument, here goes. We exist because of love. We were created with love and we will return to love. Until now I didn’t know this. I didn’t understand there was a higher form of love and union, an unconditional love which exists with the Divine, the same love connecting us to all things, existing within each and every being. You’re right about love in one way: it can be destructive— but only if that love is trying to fill an empty void within, a “hole.”

That kind of love can never stay; it will always leave because it didn’t belong there to begin with. It was never ours so it must return to where it came from, somewhere outside of us. The space that love temporarily filled got activated so, when the external love left the space, it felt the pain of the emptiness that had always been there. We can agree on that much. But here is where I believe we need the pain of love. It lets us know when there’s a void within ourselves. We need to feel the void so that we’re motivated to seek out love in its truest form, unconditionally, from the Divine within.”

“The heart continued “Love and acceptance with the Self is real and can never leave, once it is found, because it comes from us and therefore is ours to keep. It is ours to have and to hold, in sickness and in health and you know the rest.”

The mind gives a chuckle, “OK, heart, I get it: you make a pretty good argument. But, now that we know this, what’s next? How can we work together to prepare this heart for love with the Divine self?”

“Good question, I need to think about this.”
The mind agreed. “Yeah. I need to feel this out.”

I have gained a deeper connection with myself during my journey to connect with God. As above, so below. In whatever ways I was lacking a connection with God, also showed up as lacking within myself – lack of trust, conditional love, abandonment, anger, and negative beliefs about myself. With God now, I can do and be anything! I am in a way fearless, knowing as long as I am following God’s will, I am whole, fulfilled, and not alone. It feels better surrendering to a higher power who only has my best interest at heart. I just need to stay out of the way and remain unattached to outcomes! (Always challenging for me!)

How did I achieve my connection?

  • I had to realize I was not connected to God.
  • I chose to examine what was in the way – what was the problem (angry with God, negative beliefs, deprogramming Catholic upbringing, abandoned by God)
  • I addressed all the issues I found blocking a connection by writing down my negative beliefs and working them ( see Resources Page
  • I made an intention and was willing to connect with and invite God into my life
  • I accept God into my life by letting go of control (whoa!)
  • I surrendered my Will to God’s Will and keep surrendering!

This is a large commitment.

So far so good! As I release my will to God, my path is clear. Life is easier as I am not having to ‘force’ anything or plow my way into what I believe to be the ‘right’ path. I have more energy because of it, as allowing and surrendering take no energy at all.

I really prayed to end suffering on planet Earth, which is fine in and of itself. However, when I judge suffering, as in people shouldn’t suffer – I am forcing my beliefs and will onto their path. I have to ask myself: Where would I be without the suffering I’ve endured in my life? Would I still not know the pain of separation? It feels like a test of faith –

God has weapons ye not know of!

Florence Scovel Shinn

Now I pray for Divine Will and Grace. I continue to build my relationship with God as I let go of judgments and negative beliefs. It works better that way!

Be well on your journey! 

Please feel free to comment below, I would love to hear from you!

7 responses to “Does God Exist? Eliminating the Barriers of Separation”

    1. The Path to My Heart Avatar

      Thank you very much! Glad you stopped by!


  1. Sue Dreamwalker Avatar

    Oh how I loved this two way conversation with the mind and heart…. I wonder how many more of us convince ourselves via our mind…
    I so understand the dark night of the soul, and the anger and loneliness, and in questioning suffering. It is hard , and yes I have asked the same questions as you Donna… WHY would God allow suffering to happen… Its something I struggle with even today..
    After learning to listen to my heart and my higher guidance from the Divine God spark we are all created from..

    Learning to Trust with a capital T…. also takes time and a realisation about allowing all to flow.. Following our inner guidance that comes from God,… Knowing too we are not separate… Again this also is not easy… For we are taught to be separate and we are conditioned to label and judge… So too are we taught GOD judges us, Its a complex subject as we dive deeper into our belief systems and why we believe in them in the first place.

    So to unravel ourselves and put ourselves back together can be a daunting one. Especially as we have never been given a manual to follow.. 🙂

    I think some times it needs those wake up calls of our Dark Night of the Soul to bring us to question and be brave enough to listen back for those answers..

    You explained the process of your own journey so well.
    And once we do dive deeper within ourselves and we begin to see God is within us all… And what is God, but Unconditional Love… And when we then begin to love ourselves unconditionally… We then let go of the fear of pain, and suffering. and can see deeper within our own lessons of heartache and wounds.. That without those angry moments or those wounds, we wouldn’t have become who we are today…

    For those same lessons of suffering teach us about love and compassion and show us we cannot experience one in this reality without the other.

    Having and holding Faith takes Trust…. Trusting in the unseen process that all has purpose… even those harsh horrendous bits of our lives and those of others whom we see as suffering from our perspectives..

    Loved your narration I listened while I followed your printed word Donna… and love the new layout and additions…

    Much love my friend… Sorry it took me a while to get here…. Well worth the wait so I could digest in peace your thoughts …

    Love and Hugs… Sue ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The Path to My Heart Avatar

      Hi Sue! Wonderful comment, thank you! yes, Trust with a capital T now-a-days. As the end of times ramp up, and they are throwing everything at us, it’s very hard not to get pulled in to the drama and want to help those suffering. Really hard. The anger and questioning come up and need to be acknowledged, then it’s ok for a while. Unprecedented, challenging times to be sure. As you wrote: Having and holding faith takes trust! Exactly right Sue – it really does. It’s a massive test of faith and trust, some days I don’t always pass – but do my best. There is a bigger picture I feel, actually there better be one!!, but yes, I have to keep giving it to God who I have to trust knows how it all fits together. Awaiting the day all is revealed, even then though who knows how that will go over! We are here now, and trusting that!! Have a lovely day – sending hugs and blessings! Love, Donna


      1. Sue Dreamwalker Avatar

        I agree about the bigger picture.. We are in that time of Knowing… and Feeling…
        It’s an instinct that is in built. I’ve trusted it all my life and when I’ve ignored it and listened instead to my head, I’ve come unstuck..
        I know if we allow ourselves to stay within the flow, of those feelings and trust our higher divine guidance we will not be led far wrong..
        I keep faith all is working towards our highest good.. 🙏 💕 Thank you Donna…
        Much love. 💕

        Liked by 1 person

        1. The Path to My Heart Avatar

          I hear you Sue! Well said! In a way, I’m trying to find the peace within, ending the battle with the mind. The mind is devious and a trickster. As soon as it’s got my attention – it’s won that battle. Ugh. The final conflict!! ha ha to be sure. Thinking about it, Chemtrails are just as bad as my mind – hmm. And as you say, we do know and we can feel – all good! Much love, Donna


          1. Sue Dreamwalker Avatar


            Liked by 1 person

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