We are told knowledge is power. That may be true, but I also feel awareness in its own right is also very powerful. I looked up Awareness and one definition was: conscious knowledge. I love that phrase, conscious knowledge. Have you ever experienced a time when you’ve heard yourself saying: Wow, I knew that, but now I actually get it! I myself have experienced this many times when I’ve been told something, and then somewhere down the line, lo and behold, I really get it! That knowledge has become conscious. Something inside has awakened.
I knew this, but now I really know it!
I agree. I bring this up because I have recently become aware of a pattern: how I behave right before a big change. Something within me knows a big change is coming well before I am consciously aware of what’s going on. An appointment set to go off within my internal alarm clock called: ‘a big change is coming’ gets activated. I then go into a spiraling down mode and it’s usually a one-way ticket. I am always amazed how I can unconsciously resist change well before I consciously know it’s going to happen.
Even though the status quo is familiar and comfortable, if it lingers on past its due date, it can get moldy and stale and have an “I’ve overstayed my welcome” kind of feel. The alarm goes off and activates my behavior change. Life becomes a drudgery and it’s suddenly hard. It’s an outward sign that something is going on behind the scenes.
Get a clue!
It’s happened to me so many times I’ve even named it: My Death Spiral. I get frustrated, crotchety and withdraw. I can’t be bothered. I don’t want to know. I trudge on, even though moving ahead gets harder and harder and I get tireder and tireder – doesn’t matter. My mind tells me: Facing change means work! My energy is tied up in the pattern trying to maintain the status quo – and so it goes, the pattern continues on, taking me with it, spiraling down.
This behavior and pattern can go on for weeks, even months if it remains unconscious. Through years of working with this pattern though, I can at least now begin to recognize the signs. It’s a vicious one. The fatigue of resisting what’s going on contributes to my withdrawal and not wanting to face what’s coming. It feeds itself as I weaken. It becomes personal – the worst thing that can happen. “What’s wrong with me, I’m crotchety and negative.”
Like I said, I have lots of experience with change and how it effects me. It’s a matter of knowing the signs and waking up from the spell – calling a spade a spade. I must see the pattern for the pattern’s sake, and not as something that’s wrong with me. It’s not personal. It’s a matter of fact – change is coming. Having this awareness will create the space needed for things to effortlessly shift.
Getting back to knowledge and awareness. In this instance, I have the knowledge that something’s off with me. Great, it’s a good start. But as I move into – this is familiar, I’ve been through this before, I gain awareness (conscious knowing) by identifying the pattern. It’s no longer personal and I take my power back! Awareness is a powerful step towards healing!
I have now taken a stand and made an intention to shift my focus. I see the pattern and know what it is – I have conscious knowledge about it. I am aware. I am also aware that once I set my intention to create space for change to happen, it will happen with ease and flow. I am now a cause in the matter of change, and no longer at the effect of my pattern. The fear is gone as I am the one now doing the inviting.
There remains always two choices. The choice is in attitude. I can resist it kicking and screaming or I can make space and invite it in because, no matter what, the change is coming. It’s inevitable. So I choose to enjoy the time I have before things change and look forward with anticipation to a smooth transition.
Relevant past posts!
Start Healing Life-Long Vicious Cycles and Triggers – Put an End to the Blame Game
Being triggered into a reaction causes you to behave in ways you wouldn’t dream of under normal circumstances, and once the dust settles, you most likely regret your actions and wonder why you couldn’t stop yourself – again. This occurs probably more often than you like. So, what can you do about it?
Ending Negative Self-Talk
Negative beliefs and self-talk are very destructive to ourselves and others, mostly because we believe these negative things we tell ourselves are true. This is mainly because we identify with them and use “I am” in front of things like being a burden, weak, not worthy, a mistake . . . It’s not true. You’re…
What we Think we Know
As it turns out, not much. Back in the late 1980’s I participated in the Landmark Forum. It was a very powerful and transformative experience. The processes within the Forum, many developed by Werner Erhard in the 1970’s, provide effective teachings to help you face your fear in order to live life authentically. In one…
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