I remember leaving my body a few times as a child, flying down the stairs. I recall waking up one morning thinking: Wow! That was fun, I want to do it again! At the time, I didn’t have a clue why this was happening. Now, I realize I dissociated from my body during trauma. This could have been the time Sophie (my inner child) left, fragmenting from me.
At the time she splintered off, she became her own “self” and her growth ceased. She was stuck in time literally; left with the traumatic feelings I was experiencing in the moment. I’d been unconscious for most of my life to the understanding that Sophie was existing within me, along with other aspects of myself.
With trauma, our biological bodies age, but our emotional and spiritual development stops and freezes in time. Many adults have an emotional development related to the issue of the abuse, somewhere around that of an 8- to 12-year-old due to the past trauma not being addressed and healed.1
When I’m triggered by the same thought or emotion that caused my inner child to be stuck in a trauma timeline, I find myself immediately and automatically shutting down emotionally. Without awareness, I literally wouldn’t know what hit me. It could be almost anything: a look, a noise, something I’m feeling from someone, a thought, anything that may indicate there’s a perceived danger. My brain computer reacts – and the next thing I know, I’m right back at the time when the actual event happened. Some people react with “blind” rage – not even having a recollection of their behavior.
I was beginning to understand that the prime defense mechanism prevalent throughout my life, the strategy I used most often, was to shut down and not feel. If I (unconsciously) felt fear, or more likely the trigger emotion that caused my inner child to split, an automatic response to shut down was produced. The next thing I would hear from the people around me was: “What’s wrong with you?” By then, it was too late. I usually couldn’t and wouldn’t respond. At best, I would shrug my shoulders, not having a clue. I was triggered and had left the building!
All past abuse and trauma have to be forgiven, cleared and moved from the body. If you’re intending to call in your inner child, remember he or she carries this trauma of the fragmented self and is bound emotionally to that time of the event. No wonder Sophie was unresponsive when she appeared in my life, she was exactly in the same state when she left.
Sophie was stuck in a trauma timeline. This would show up as looping, repeating the same patterns over and over, just to end up feeling the same as I did when I was five and split. It would keep me in an abusive situation – whether with someone else or with myself. I’ve been the main abuser in my life. I became an expert at beating myself up in order to feel the end of the pattern: defeated, hurt, and guilty, just to start all over again. I also tend to take things personally, further feeding the negative beliefs about myself.
On a positive note though, Sophie, along with my other aspects, brought with them the keys to healing many of my patterns for good! It was all about wholeness, getting the pieces back and healing those timelines!
Disassociation can happen when we’re triggered and traumatized. We can fragment without being aware that a part of us has left, losing a sense of who we are. It’s like being in the world but not of it, you’re here but you’re not, going through the motions, not feeling much of anything. You may have a moment of clarity and realize much of your life has been lived without you.
I’m grateful my pieces came to me in wonderful stories of healing and love that I was able to experience with them. It was and continues to be a blessing. My pieces and their stories have also blessed others as they read about them in my book. My mother experienced a profound healing when she read about Sophie – for that I’m grateful.
If you feel ready to receive your pieces into a safe space, and it must be safe, you can put out a strong intention for them to come home to you.
- My inner child was stuck in a timeline at age 5
- She needed nurturing and healing
- I needed to feel what she was feeling in order to help us both heal
- I might experience some of her memories
- A strong commitment to Self is involved
- Support is always good
The more informed about what we’re carrying around with us, the better off we are, and the less fearful we become. Having the awareness of who we are and the cycles and patterns we have, the more able we are to face what stops us in life. Try not to be afraid of feelings, allow them to surface and find freedom in release. Invite your pieces back in the most gracious, healing way possible. Also, it’s important to seek help and support!
There are some very helpful links on my Resources Page! I would love feedback, please support me by letting me know what you think and if there is anything you would like to ask!
- Information from the Energetic Synthesis Ascension Glossary entry on Trauma written by Lisa Renee She writes a monthly column for the Ascension Timeline called Shifting Timelines.
More information on healing the inner child and healing fragmentation:
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My book, Bridging the Gap Between You and Your Inner Child, is a story about my fragmented pieces coming back into my life for healing and heart integration. It was obviously time, but I had no idea it was about to happen. They came to life, one by one, with stories of their own healing […]
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