Facing Our Fear of the Dark

Darkness would have us believe it’s engaged in an all-out war with the light.  Is it true?  Is there actually a war going on between darkness and light?  Darkness (our own fear) would have us believe it will prevail, that it’s stronger than our light.  It uses our love against us and others by shutting us down, enabling us to cause harm to and/or turn us away from the ones we love – divide and conquer is a common weapon.

I believe in the premise: “As above, so below.”  Our perceptions, what we believe to be the reality of the external world (macro/above) are all projected outward from our internal beliefs (micro/below).  It follows then, if we’re at war, or in opposition with ourselves and condemning others, then Yes there’s a war going on between the light and the dark.  If I’m not mistaken, for thousands of years, there’s always been war on Earth.

I might almost be tricked into believing that war needs to exist on earth?  Really?  No, absolutely not.

Don’t pray for peace on earth with war in your heart  . . .
Pray for peace within yourself first.

What we perceive with our senses is filtered by our beliefs.  Our beliefs control our reality, including, as an example, what we see with our eyes – making it impossible for us to see what’s truly there.  If I don’t believe it exists, then it’s impossible for me to see it.  Beliefs also play with our ears and memory: “You said you would take care of this!” “No, I didn’t – YOU did!!” War is quite common in daily life.

Siblings remember their childhood differently – regardless of growing up under the same roof.  Wars are started within family units because people stand by their perceptions of “what really happened.”  To the death!  People go to war, literally killing family members out of their lives.  Alternatively, we may decide to leave a family member behind for self-preservation and peace of mind if they want to continue the war.  Always a tough decision.

It’s all because our internal world is projected onto the external world – filtered by our beliefs.  Every person’s experience is different.  Oh yeah – but mine is right!  En garde!

So, what can we do about all the war on planet earth?

Again: As above, so below.  We must deal with our own internal war.  It’s the only way to have peace.  We must stop fighting with ourselves and each other and end the war between the dark and the light within.

How do we do this?  Face our fear and accept both the light and the dark within us, equally without judgment, without opinion, without anything but pure witnessing, as an example, just like Jesus did in the bible.

Jesus healed people by witnessing them.  He saw the truth: we are light, and light exists within every human being – beggars, lepers, thieves, the pious, the poor, criminals, disciples – including Judas.  He witnessed without judgment, without believing people need to change or be different: “He should …” or “She shouldn’t . . .” He only saw the truth and the light within, and people were healed from this very powerful witnessing.  Jesus wasn’t afraid of the dark because he knew without a doubt, he was light.

We can heal ourselves this way too.

“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.”

Yoda from the phAntom menece

A Short Story

I had a deep vein of anger and hatred that ran through me which I denied for a very long time.  When I was 14 years old my rage took over, and for a few minutes I believed with every cell in my body that I was going to kill my father by beating him to death.  I confronted him with my fists clenched, jaws tight and a very powerful feeling of invincibility running through my body.  I said, “I’m going to beat you up.”  “No, you’re not” he responded very calmly.  I repeated “I’m going to beat you up.”  He said again: “No you’re not.”

I didn’t beat my father to death that day, but I blocked out what happened immediately afterwards. I confronted him many years later about it and he said he knew I could have killed him, but instead, he said, “You walked away.”  On one hand, that was the smart thing to do.  On the other hand, though, I walked away from the encounter believing I could kill someone when pushed to my limit.  This belief kept me in fear that I might not be able to control my own anger and hatred when confronted.  I decided I would rather die than hurt someone.

It was the last time I stood for anything with that much passion. I did indeed die. I hid from my anger, hatred and passion because I was afraid of it.  This had the unfortunate effect of taking out my light too.  Darkness won.  I was under its thumb.

My life remained, for the most part, small, passionless, and opinionless.  I was in denial of my anger and hatred and continued to fear its power, praying I could keep it buried.  Life was miserable and depressing.  How many times could I go before God, handing him my lifeless body for healing and compassion because I didn’t have it for myself?

But hey, I was safe, right?  Umm, no . . .

The main problem being I was convinced I was of the darkness by fearing it could take over me.  The fear itself, though, IS the darkness!  It’s the fear that kept me small and afraid of the dark.  I have feelings of anger and hatred, but this isn’t who I am.  I need to be a witness for myself – allowing all my feelings, knowing full well I am light.  In doing so, I got my life back.

Do you fear your darkness?  Have an honest look inside with clear eyes, no judgments, no stories.  Witness your fear, anger, hatred, apathy, depression, etc.  Allow it all to surface without judgment or story.

This is a challenging path.  Not everyone is up for it. It requires a lot of self-inquiry, being nonjudgmental, and going deep, feeling things your ego has been avoiding feeling.  You must have a strong desire to free yourself from “the story” that serves the ego.  My story used to begin with: “I hate my mother; I hate my father.”  No kidding, that was the first sentence of my long, long, story about being a victim.  I gave it up through forgiveness.

The key is to not identify with destructive thoughts.  The guilt I felt, and feelings of unworthiness left the door open for bullies and victimization.  I believed everything was my fault and I was unworthy of love.  It was my identity, so my world had to reflect this belief back to me.

There are many layers, and sometimes growth feels like one step forward, two steps backwards.  One day happy, three days depressed.  But it does get easier the more you take the higher road of compassionate witness, observing it all from a higher perspective.

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6 thoughts on “Facing Our Fear of the Dark

  1. Years ago I was afraid of my anger. I saw what I was capable of and so fear set in. I too threatened to kill someone and I knew I could do it. Since then I have come face to face with that fear and do know I am strong enough to control my anger. In doing that, I set myself free of the fear of anger inside of me. Knowing as well, we are all capable of terrible deeds IF the situation was ripe for our anger to explode, and I mean ALL of us, we hopefully learn how to transpose our darkness into those things of Light. I have used negative emotions (sad, anger …) to create beauty. War is in us and if we don’t realize this but always point the finger at the other, war will never cease on this planet. Yes, it all starts with us. We must conquer war within us before we see change in our world. When we do conquer war the micro world around us begins to change and (hopefully) that in turn will trigger a chain effect, affecting the outer rim of that micro world where it meshes with the macro world. This post is SO good!!! Why are not more people reading your work, Donna? We need brave and courageous and truthful people like you to assist others to see the tree through the forest. As for me having fun shampooing … Honey, that is such darn hard work! I just finished day 3 of hard work and tomorrow will rest. I’m doing massive Spring cleaning before I jump into opening my gardens, which is extremely hard work all by itself. With right attitude and pacing myself, I do this! Never mind the age factor (which hubby would LOVE for me to succumb to)! I AM strong and healthy!! So much Love to you!!! 💞🌹💞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Amy! Well said! You have been there, done that as the saying goes and come out the other end stronger and wiser. It’s a powerful one to work through. I feel a lot more free since facing the fear behind my anger. Not sure why more people aren’t reading my posts. I’ve got about 32 followers since June 2017, it’s very slow to grow. I only share to my FB page and of course it goes out on WP. I would love my following to grow more!! I just keep posting and hoping it grows! I appreciate your support and comments more than you know!! Much love to you my friend!! Donna ps have a nice rest!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tips on how to get more of a following: Use ONLY 15 tags total per post. More then that and your posts will not be seen in the WP reader. YOU must go to other blogs, and leave comments. Go in your reader and go by subject matter and depending on what blogs show, go to those blogs. Don’t just leave a comment but follow that person too. Many times if YOU follow someone that someone will follow you back. This is a LOT of work and very time-consuming. Someone once told me you could have the best blog but if you do not knock on doors, no one will know you are there. I kicked butt getting the following I do. Sometimes it takes me 2-3 days now to answer everyone’s comments on just one post and then of course go to their blog, and leave a comment there. Whew! It’s a huge commitment, Donna. If you really believe in yourself you will find the time to put in to “sell yourself”. There is one other way as well but I hesitate to tell you because it is nuts. My advice …. just do what I’ve told here to and you will see a gradual increase in your following.
        Today I had planned on resting but I seem to still be in GO mode. Day number 5 getting everything done inside in order to get into gardens. Whew! Today I photograph color in my garden! You’ll see it soon! 😘

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you so much Amy! I will follow your plan here and start looking for blogs I want to follow and comment on. It is a big time commitment, as I would have guessed there is a lot of follow up – but it will be worth it! Thank you my dear friend for all your advice and time! I am looking forward to the color in your garden post!! Thanks again, much love! Donna

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Donna, this is par excellent!!! Dear friend, I want to do this post justice and not just type off general words …. yadayadayada. I’m in the middle of heavy cleaning (rug shampooing) and then I have an extremely important email to compose to assist some in my “family” who require advice regarding a certain situation. I came on here for a “5” minute break. After all that … I’m coming here to comment fully and while I am shampooing, I deeply contemplate your words. This post stunned me in both its context and its honesty. Your growth is absolutely amazing!!! I’ll be back!!! 🌸🌸🌸

    Liked by 1 person

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