I just returned from a 21 day trip through Peru and Bolivia. When I was deciding whether or not to book the trip, I kept thinking: I don’t want to go to Peru or Bolivia, but I kept coming back to the idea that it might be worth it since a good friend and spiritual leader was also going. As it turns out –

It was the hardest, physical struggle I have ever had to endure in my entire life!

I now know why I had no desire to go to these places.

As much as I don’t want to relive any part of this challenging journey, I feel it’s important to share and it’s good for me to get it all out onto paper – so they say.

This trip changed me, it has altered my life.

Almost two weeks into the trip, we landed on Sun Island (Isla del Sol, Bolivia) which is on Lake Titicaca.

We spent two days there. I had a wonderful day the first day. The altitude of 14,000 feet didn’t seem to bother me at all. I wanted to stay! Upon leaving though, the next day, I started to feel strange. We stopped for lunch about half-way down and I realized I couldn’t eat and felt awful. I got really, really cold and shook a lot. One of the group members realized I had left my body. She has a lot of experience with this sort of thing and was able to get me back in.

I didn’t realize this, but I can easily slip out of my body. As a child I remember being able to do it, but of course at the time I had no idea it was attributed to trauma and severe stress. What I was experiencing as I was leaving Sun Island was a similar kind of stress and trauma brought on by a past life memory, triggering me to leave my body.

I focused the best I could and made it down to the bottom. We were to get on a boat and take a short journey to Moon Island (Isla de la Luna). I was feeling really sick. We arrived at Moon Island and I couldn’t climb up, I had to remain on the bottom. Only five of our group of 10 members ascended to the temple on top.  I realized there was some past life thing going on here and I was caught up in it. I couldn’t separate my present life from this past life and I was stuck in the misery and suffering of it all. It was really very painful.

The group on top performed a major clearing of the island and the temple. I knew I had been on Moon Island before, taken from my home and family on Sun Island as a young teenager and trained as a concubine on Moon Island. I somehow had to transit this soul part of myself so she could leave this earth plane to heal her broken heart and soul.

I felt horrible and physically sick. During the boat ride from Moon Island to the hotel, I left my body again. I was in the thick of it and could not do anything about it at the time. The physical pain was grueling. The boat ride to the mainland was over 2 hours.

We made it to land and then finally to the hotel. I lied down and that was it for me. My partner went to a Shaman ceremony that night and was able to ask the Shaman about me. He said I had left my body and a soul retrieval was needed. It was performed by my partner and I could feel myself coming back into my body.

I was also physically very ill. I had ingested some bad bacteria and parasites.

They invaded because I left my body, leaving it open to intruders.

My stomach was cramping and I was having diarrhea unlike I had ever experienced before in my life. I was also exhausted. I didn’t go down for dinner or breakfast. We left the hotel, traveling to the next one in La Paz, Bolivia. Apparently there was a huge market in town so we decided to leave the van and take the sky tram, with a short walk to the hotel from the station. I was in agony, barely present.

Finally after many stations, we got off. There was more than a short walk to the hotel and I could barely breathe or walk. I heard myself saying more than once –

I don’t think I can make it

I meant it, but my body was able somehow to keep taking one step at a time, looking down and resting when I could. The altitude was tough and I was weak. Like I said, I don’t remember ever feeling this bad, nor do I recall ever feeling like I couldn’t make it forward, that I couldn’t take another step.

My body was over ruling my mind. My body was demanding that I pay attention to it. My mind used to be able to over-ride my body – “Oh come on, just a little more energy – you can do it!!” Not this time, my body wasn’t having it. My body was shot. My immune system was also compromised. Cold sores (virus) had broken out all along my bottom lip – it was extremely painful.

Diarrhea, cold sores, cramps, altitude, exhaustion . . . I had to pay attention to my body.

Virus, bacteria, and parasites will invade the body if you are not in it!

I spent a couple days in La Paz in bed. I wasn’t going anywhere until it was time to actually leave to return home. I had 24 hours of travel ahead of me. I was hardly eating and had taken some Imodium – this helped me get through most of the travel – from La Paz to Santa Cruz, Bolivia, to Miami then to London Heathrow. A cab ride to the car then a 4 hour drive to home.

Once in the driveway, I ran into the house and, I hate to say, didn’t make it to the toilet in time. I removed my clothes, sat down on the toilet and cried my eyes out for a long time. Lots of emotion was expressed, there was no stopping it. I kept saying:

I want my [old] body back, I want my body back!

I didn’t eat for 2 more days after getting home, to try and starve out the bacteria  – now I know this is a myth. I wasn’t getting any better and had already lost a lot of weight. It had been 7 days now of suffering. I was beyond tired and really hungry. I decided to go to the doctors. They gave me 2 very powerful antibiotics, trying to throw everything at it (as they do) since the test results won’t be available for about one week. I don’t like pills of any sort, especially powerful antibiotics, but I decided to take them.

My body needed relief and it needed to eat again. There was no point prolonging the suffering.

There is a Silver Lining!

I need to stay in my body. I need to have compassion for it. I need to love my body. I need to take care of it. No more slave driving, no more abuse of any kind, no more neglect, no more forgetting about it, no more pushing it beyond.

My body is now going to be included in the decisions of my life. I have already terminated my grocery counter job – too tough, abusive and not life-enhancing. I’m going to walk more and be out in nature more. I am going to feed my body what it wants – could be anything really, but my choices will now include my body.

Most of my life has been about looking for my pieces, I even wrote a book on it. Well it makes sense as I have been able to leave my body so easily at times of discomfort. Fragmentation happens, it is a real thing. But I learned that if I focus on my physical body in a very nurturing, compassionate way, I won’t ever have to leave again. Only love goes here.

This will help me go from pieces to peace.

I can already begin to feel a presence in myself and it feels great!

Thanks for listening to this not so pretty story – if it helped you in anyway – great!!