The Outsider

Here is an example of disassociation and feeling triggered. It can happen when we fragment and are unaware of our parts, or unaware of who we are.  It’s a sense of being in the world but not of it – but not in a good way, it’s in a convenient, sort of denial, kind of way. Almost like just realizing that much of our life was lived without us. This keeps us separate. So, in everyday life, this translates as being in our family but not of family, being a friend but not of friendship, being a partner but not of partnership.

Lately, I am working on accepting my body – being in a physical body. So sometimes it feels like being in a body but not of body. Being present in my body isn’t always easy, especially when  triggered. If I can maintain neutrality and practice forgiveness, I am on the path to healing.

A poem came out of me a few minutes ago that I wanted to share with everyone! I believe it if from one of my fragmented pieces who is waiting to join me.

THE OUTSIDER
by Donna Guillemette

I’m trying so hard to not be human
yet I am so moved by the human spirit
I am an outsider wanting to belong
why not just jump in the race
what is the delay
am I too good, or not good enough
will humanity accept my membership
what will it cost me
have I prepared enough
what will they say
the collective human is so powerful
i am a mere . . .
what am I really . . .
I’ll have to think about it some more
my heart will wait
I can feel it reaching though, for my next inspiration
something to get me to join in
maybe shed a tear, maybe, or just laugh
it hopes
longingly
for me to shed this air of inhumanity
of denial
to become what it is for me to become
if only I were to know a heart full of passion
I surely would live from the inside out
I surely would live human beingness
Hey! you . . . over there, can you tell me again
what will it cost me to join?
I’m ready now
Oh hello, it’s free, come as you are,
we’ve been waiting for you!

Thank you for reading! Please leave any comments below!

9 thoughts on “The Outsider

  1. I came across your blog a few days ago as I was staying to really think about how we all to varying degrees compartmentalize our lives. It’s like, we can only be a certain person in this group, but we have to be this different person in another group. Often, it is only when we are completely alone that we can be our true selves. It was actually realizing a part of myself that has never been shared with anyone, not even my wife, that sort of got drawn out of me by someone that I realized how much my own life is compartmentalized.

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    • Hi Wayne,
      Thanks for your comment! I see compartmentalization as fragmentation and very common. I have experienced the very same thing. There are so many layers to us! It’s really great you are noticing and aware of these separate parts of yourself and how they (you) act differently depending on the people you are around. Being congruent in the world, where the inside matches the outside, is a great intention. Also being a compassionate witness to these parts is very helpful. Working with horses is a wonderful way to helping with congruency. My book is about my journey to healing fragmentation by working with each of my parts. You can follow along and get some ideas about the different parts of yourself. Each one will have a different fear and emotions they need to feel. It is a journey!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, Donna, this is so powerful! I know exactly what you are writing about and have for years strived to incorporate all my aspects into one Being. Triggering is tricky and to be extremely aware of the “truth” of what is actually happening must be present in order not to slip back into a personality that just is not a part of my “reality” any longer. Integration for me occurs in the No-Think Space, especially when I am deep in a forest and merge with the Energies all around me. I find me, and it is such a huge high that I dip into Bliss and become intoxicated. The more I do this the more I am able to carry over in my everyday life this state of Being. I am very sensitive to heavy energies which drain me terribly yet there too I am learning to remain above the illusion to stay Balanced and high. I absolutely LOVE the way you think and approach life. Not too many do, you know, at least not in my experience. Bless you for your courage in writing your Truth. I honor you for doing so! 🌈💝

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    • Hi AmyRose! Thank you for your comment and how you live your life! I know exactly what you mean about being in nature and especially in the forest around trees! It is very heart-healing and yes, as you shared, a way to achieve that “no-think” space. Your’s was the second message I received yesterday reminding me to get out into the woods! So thank you!! My book came to me as I was walking on a bike path that was surrounded by lots of trees! I immediately noticed your photography has heart and connection to source within it. I commend your honesty and honor your path of truth. Nice to know you are here!!

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      • When we are aware it’s really cool how we do get messages and confirmations. I see this in my own life. It’s good to know there are good hearted souls who are not afraid to speak the truth. Thank you for your courage to do so. 💖🎀💖

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      • Thanks AmyRose! I questioned my writing style, wondering if there was a place for my writing in the world, and who would want to read it anyway. It’s not a shiny, Instagram, take a pill and be cured kind-of-thing, but I can only write my truth. Blogging seems to work well for this as you can literally write anything. I don’t have an audience per se, so I am just writing for whoever chances along. I am glad you enjoy my writing, thanks so much for the validation!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Just keep writing from the heart and your audience will come. When I first began to blog I actually dove under my bed covers shaking because I began to reveal “me”. I still at times shake when I hit the publish button. ☺️

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