Disassociation can happen when we are triggered and traumatized. We can fragment without being aware that a part of us has left, losing a sense of who we are. It’s like being in the world but not of it, you’re here but you’re not, going through the motions but not feeling much of anything. You may have a moment of clarity and realize much of your life has been lived without you.
This keeps us separate and unengaged. We are unavailable to ourselves and others. So, in everyday life, this translates as being in a family but not of family, being a friend but not of friendship, being a partner but not of partnership.
Lately, I am working on accepting my body – my physical being. It’s been a struggle for me as I have lots of judgment. It feels like being in a body but not of my body. Being present in my body isn’t always easy, especially when triggered. If I can maintain neutrality, acceptance and practice forgiveness, I am on the path to healing.
I wrote a poem a few minutes ago that I wanted to share with everyone! I believe it sourced from one of my fragmented pieces who is waiting for me to accept it.
I’m trying so hard to not be human
yet I am so moved by the human spirit
I am an outsider wanting to belong
why not just jump in the race
what is the delay
am I too good, or not good enough
will humanity accept my membership
what will it cost me
have I prepared enough
what will they say
the collective human is so powerful
i am a mere . . .
what am I really . . .
I’ll have to think about it some more
my heart will wait
I can feel it reaching though, for my next inspiration
something to get me to join in
maybe shed a tear, maybe, or just laugh
for me to shed this air of inhumanity
to become what it is for me to become
if only I were to know a heart full of passion
I surely would live from the inside out
I surely would live human beingness
Hey! you . . . over there, can you tell me again
what will it cost me to join?
I’m ready now
Oh hello, it’s free, come as you are,
we’ve been waiting for you!
Thank you for reading! I will write more about this later because I feel it is an important subject. Feelings of separation reside within most of us, it’s a universal feeling. A downward spiral can be created when we take this feeling personal – leading to other negative feelings, illness and depression. You can also check out TheWork.com. It’s a great resource for eliminating negative beliefs!
Please share and leave any comments below!