Now-a-days people are finding themselves face to face with their mirror image. It’s usually someone they know and frequently interact with, someone they can’t stand, causing constant frustration and/or driving them crazy, and someone who has the exact opposite “self” to them resulting in constant triggering. This could be anyone – a spouse, co-worker, sibling, parent, child . . .
These sacred relationships, also called alchemical relationships, are in our lives now because it’s time for us to wake up and be free from fear by healing our deep wounds. Sacred relationships are here to help us – even though the challenges they present are truly a pain in the ass and loaded with frustration, they hold the greatest gifts and insights that lead to your awakening.
So before pointing the finger at someone else . . . It’s not easy by any means to point it back at you – but coming face to face with yourself is necessary!
Choosing to love ourselves unconditionally is one of the most challenging things we can undertake . . . and it’s well worth it! I believe it’s a very personal journey, as each of us are unique in our nature. We have different beliefs about ourselves, varied upbringings and life experiences, each having input into who we think we are.
Wouldn’t it be nice to live without any self judgment?
Is there a formula for self-love? Can we learn from each other as we progress? It’s at least comforting to know we are not alone in our struggle to freedom, feeling the ups and downs as it appears we take one step forward and two steps back! Ugh . . .
I’d like to share a bit of my path. If self-love is a journey you are on, then hopefully I can share something you can relate to, understanding that, no, you are not going crazy and perseverance and determination are wonderful allies!!
In 2011, I made a simple but powerful declaration: “I choose love.” At the time I couldn’t know what this meant, or what it might look like. More importantly, I didn’t know what I would have to go through to get there. As it happens, in order to live a life of unconditional love, anything that isn’t aligned with this intention has to be eliminated. This includes negative beliefs, stuffed emotions, hidden parts, unconscious beliefs, triggers, programs, and familiar (DNA) healing. It all needs to be uncovered, felt, accepted and healed.
This was inconceivable at the time. I am, however, a person who wants to know and asks to be shown.
The healing manifested on all levels – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. It didn’t take long either, only a month or so after asking. I came face to face with deeply buried emotions, ones I didn’t want to feel again and ones I didn’t even know existed within me. It was time for a “Dark Night of the Soul.” Intense feelings of pain, separation, abandonment, fear and betrayal surfaced. I was being triggered left and right and shocked at the amount of pain I was experiencing. I found myself saying over and over: Wow, I had no idea these feelings existed within me.
One of my biggest mistakes was that I actually forgot I asked for love. I became so stuck and lost in my experience and drama, that I forgot why this was all happening. My life circumstances became personal and I ended up placing blame on someone else (sacred relationship). I, as is human and typical, had a story attached to my feelings, which granted, helped them come out and be felt, but also had the devastating effect of keeping me small and in my victim “story.” However, my story was only that, a story, but I kept telling it over and over, prolonging my suffering, hindering my healing process, and keeping me a victim.
Being a very stubborn person, I made it hard on myself. Years have now passed and I have learned that it’s possible to feel feelings without a story or blaming circumstances or people. I can allow them to surface without attachment and become a witness, knowing I am not my thoughts or feelings.
It’s not personal!
Now, whenever possible, I allow heavy feelings to surface without fear of losing myself in them. It took a lot of healing and conscious awareness to not get sucked into feelings I was used to feeling – almost like old friends. Some of my familiar go-to’s are depression, anxiety, smallness, victim, anger, unworthiness, helplessness, and rejection. I also carried a lot of guilt, believing the past was my fault, so eternal punishment was in order. Not a nice way to live and the complete opposite of self-love.
When these heavy feelings became just that – feelings – separate from myself, I gained a tremendous amount of power because I was less afraid of them.
They no longer had the power to hurt me!
Underneath it all is what is known as the victim/victimizer program. I adopted the victim role and completely denied the other half: the victimizer within myself. Since we live on a duality planet – we have both roles living inside us. I was most afraid of the victimizer within me, so I stuffed it down and denied it. I learned that denying the victimizer part held me in the victim role. It was really hard to give it up and especially hard to admit there was a victimizer full of rage lurking somewhere inside me.
I couldn’t fully love myself until I acknowledged and accepted both sides.
Let me know if you have any questions, or if there is anything I can explain further about my experience or with sacred relationships! Please comment below!!