I’ve been doing a lot of digging lately, really deep digging inside my being, getting into the nooks and crannies – the places where I’m still feeling unrest – in order to finally be at peace with it all. How many times have I been down this road? This time, I found some real gems and wanted to share one of them with you.
The hopeless pursuit of self-love.
Every single judgment we have – conscious or unconscious – takes away any hope for self-love. Every single slight or negative thought detracts from it – over and over. We are programmed and conditioned into believing we are never enough. Look around. So much pressure, stress and strain to be perfect – how can anyone feel love for themselves? Even sadness – one of God’s most precious feelings – has been made to feel wrong: “Don’t be sad.”
I guess if I had to sum it all up – good luck trying to love your self. You would need to ditch and/or fully accept all your negative beliefs and preconceptions about love and life, and come at it with an open heart, a clean slate. That may last a week or two it you’re lucky. I used to work at loving myself, I’ve even written a couple blog posts on this subject, but as I peel off the layers and see what is really there – I can with all certainty say, it hasn’t been easy – even to put out the effort.
I had some major flash realizations:
- No wonder why no one truly loves themselves!!!
- No wonder it’s so elusive!!
- No wonder there is so much suffering!!
- No wonder this can’t work!!
I’ve been trying to love through my false-self
It’s like lightening struck me.
I realized – Oh my God – there is no way in hell I could ever love myself, no way in hell. The self I am referring to is my false-self. Pretty much we as humans live daily through our false-selves. We wake up into our false-selves, spend the day, come home and fall asleep as our false-selves – rinse and repeat. This is the self that let’s us down.
Seeing this truth – I felt anger and frustration at all the wasted time I’ve spent trying to do the impossible.
It’s only when we are called into being, or called into the present moment – there we may gain a glance at who we truly are: Acting on impulse in an emergency or seeing someone in need of a helping hand – then we can see it. But it’s fleeting, albeit enough for us to know it’s there – our true self.
But in the day to day, the drone of existence – no, not a chance. The “new age” is all about self-love. It’s pathetic really. The “new age” makes it seem possible to love yourself, and a “must have” in order to feel good, free and whole. They just don’t tell you it’s impossible to love through your false-self.
Things we are told:
- You must love yourself before you can love someone or something else.
- You can only love someone to the extent you love yourself.
My God – we are all in trouble. What hope is there?
I remember thinking the thought many years ago: I love my dog so much, and he loves me! But I don’t feel that way about myself. What does that mean? I thought I could only love something as much as I love myself. Do I love myself that much? No, not a chance. So how can I love my dog so much?
It’s the dog that loves us unconditionally – we can’t help but feel it.
There is so much pressure and so much focus on loving one’s self. But no manual. No one has provided a way to do it. How do I go about this loving self thing? Well, given what I found out – it’s impossible. Simply because we are so conditioned and live within the box of our false-selves, believing this is who we are. You can’t love your self (or anyone else) with your false-self!
So wrong, complete lie.
The mind is asking the question and the negative beliefs are right behind it – throwing up fog and a smoke screen – see, you don’t love yourself, you aren’t even close. Don’t you feel inferior, maybe ashamed, perhaps you feel inadequate??
It’s just the way it is – hopeless – or so we are led to feel. We’ve been trying to love with our false-self and that is a set up for failure, another rabbit hole – adding more misery to the pot. There exists another self – the true self – this is the one capable of self-love. This is the one we need to bring to the forefront – the one with all the capacity for love, the one untainted with programs, propaganda, and lies. Get to know this self.
Here’s all you need to know:
Let your false-self just be. Have a willingness and an intention to live from your true-self and then let it go – your true self will take care of the rest! It’s a guarantee. Trust this, trust your true-self, and have patience. Warning: Your life as you know it will change . . . for the better. It will feel scary, and daunting at times, it may even look worse before it gets better – but it’s ok – you are in good hands.
I feel relieved and so much better about myself since my discovery.